WRITING A KILLER THRILLER on sale & in paperback

The updated and expanded second edition of my e-book, Writing a Killer Thriller - An Editor's Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction, is on sale for only one more day at $1.99, so grab it while it's still at half price! And it's now available in trade paperback, on sale for $8.54.

Here's the beginning of a new article of mine that's up on Crime Fiction Collective blog today:

Big-Picture Problems to Look for in Your Novel

New edition e-book, and in print today.

by Jodie Renner, editor & author

Has anyone told you your almost-done story is too long, confusing, or just doesn't grab them? Here are some typical “big-picture” weaknesses to watch out for in your novel and correct before publishing it or pitching it to an agent. These types of glaring gaffes in writing, pacing, plot, or structure will bog down your story and could sink your reputation as a novelist. Fortunately, they can all be remedied at the revision and self-editing stages.

~ Overwriting. Not enough self-editing.
Today’s bestselling thrillers are mostly between 70,000 and 90,000 words long. Unless you’re an absolutely brilliant writer, and experts in the business have told you so, if your manuscript is over 95,000 words long, it definitely needs tightening up.

~ Meandering writing – the main story question / problem is fuzzy or buried.
What’s the protagonist’s main goal and fear, and his main problem? This should be obvious early on and be the overriding driving force behind your whole story. Don’t let it get lost in meandering writing, too much backstory, frequent info dumps, too many characters, too many subplots, and unrelated plot details.

~ One unrelated thing after another happens.
Don’t get caught up in “and then, and then, and then,” with a bunch of sub-stories or episodes that aren’t related to each other and don’t directly tie in with the main plot problem and story question. Your events and scenes need to be connected by cause and effect. Each scene should impact the following scenes and complicate future events.

~ Dog’s breakfast
A common problem is too many characters crowding the scenes with no elbow room, and readers getting confused and frustrated trying to remember who’s who. Or maybe you have too many subplots that veer off in different directions and confuse the issue. Or a convoluted story where many issues or subplots don’t tie in with the main character and their overarching problem. ....

 

For the rest of this article, click HERE. 

WRITING A KILLER THRILLER, 2nd Edition, now out

by Jodie Renner, editor, author, speaker

I'm pleased to announce that my revised and expanded 2nd edition of Writing a Killer Thriller - An Editor's Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction is now available on Kindle and in trade paperback for $8.54.

This new edition, which is four times as long as the original, popular e-booklet, with lots more great tips on increasing the tension, suspense, and intrigue of your fiction, is on sale for $1.99 until Tues. a.m., June 18 only, as a special deal for people who bought the first edition. Then this new one will go up to $3.95, then to $4.95. So get it while it's half price! (It won't be offered it for free.)

Also, I'll send a free PDF of the new edition to anyone who wrote a positive review for the first edition.

Please send any feedback to me via my website: Info@JodieRenner.com.

Here are some advance reviews of this expanded second edition:

“Finally, someone who understands the thriller! More than ever an author must also be his own best editor and Jodie Renner is there to help. Writing a Killer Thriller should be on every thriller writer’s desk. It breaks down the thriller into its must-have component parts to write a scintillating, edge of the seat novel that will get readers buzzing and sales flowing.”

~ Robert Dugoni, New York Times bestselling author of The Jury Master and Murder One


“Writing a Killer Thriller by Jodie Renner is an in-depth journey through each component of the thriller. Renner breaks down the process into key elements, each essential to keeping the reader turning those pages. From character development to building suspense, Writing a Killer Thriller should be on the desk of every thriller author out there. A staple for the beginner, a refresher for the pro.” 

~ Joe Moore, #1 Amazon and international bestselling co-author of The Blade and The Phoenix Apostles


“Writing is hard, editing harder, and self-editing almost impossible. Writing a Killer Thriller demystifies each of these steps on the road to a published manuscript. Read this book. It will help you now and for many years to come.”

~ DP Lyle, Macavity Award winning and Edgar, Agatha, Anthony, Benjamin Franklin, Scribe, and USA Best Books nominated author of the Dub Walker thriller series


“A killer of a thriller guide! Jodie Renner lays out, in clear, easy steps and lists, how the best writers craft their works of art – and shows how you can do it, too. A terrific how-to in avoiding the pitfalls and burnishing the gotta-haves of writing a bestselling thriller novel, by an editor who knows her way around action, drama and creating characters so fresh and real you’ll swear they were your friends.”

~ Shane Gericke, national bestselling and No. 1 Kindle bestselling author of Torn Apart
“Jodie Renner is a terrific fiction editor who is constantly updating her craft. She’s edited several novels for me, and I highly recommend her services and books. Even if you don’t write thrillers, her advice is applicable to writing a compelling story in almost any genre.”

~ L.J. Sellers, bestselling author of provocative mysteries and thrillers


“In Writing a Killer Thriller, Jodie Renner propels your writing to the competitive level that’s critical to delivering a thriller ace. She outlines easy-to-apply techniques on how to ‘hook ’em’ from the beginning, pump tension into every scene, fix those plot holes, and create compelling characters that will drive readers to keep reading until the very last page. ...From drafting your novel utilizing the basic elements of a thriller to creating your riveting final revision that packs a high-intrigue punch, Jodie shows you how to deliver a break out thriller—again and again.” 

~ Donna Galanti, 2012 International Thriller Writers Debut Author of the paranormal suspense novel A Human Element and the short story collection The Dark Inside.

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services and her books, please visit her website. Jodie has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.

Those Critical First Five Pages

by Jodie Renner, editor, author, speaker

(I'm on a tight deadline today so am offering this popular article of mine in lieu of a first-page critique.)

Congratulations! You’ve finished the first draft of your novel! Now it’s time to go back and polish up your first few pages. Then later you can do a third—or tenth—rewrite of that all-important first few paragraphs to create the most enticing hook possible. For today, we’ll talk about the essential ingredients of the first five pages (or the first page or two of a short story), as most agents and acquiring editors—and readers—will stop reading by the fifth page, or sooner, if the story and characters don’t grab them by then. 

In February 2011, I attended a workshop by literary agent Kristin Nelson at the San Miguel Writers’ Conference, in which she had attendees anonymously submit the first two pages of their novel. She started reading the submissions and stopped at the spot where she lost interest. In many instances it was after the first or second paragraph! Sometimes she made it almost to the end of the first page, and in one case, even halfway through the second page. Then she told us why that manuscript, as written, would be rejected. (Not a single one of those made it.)  

In a follow-up article in Writer’s Digest (Oct. 2011), Kristen gives four examples of submissions and where and why she stopped reading three of them (all on the first page): “too much dialogue,” “overuse of description,” and “lack of tension.” In her workshop, “lack of clear protagonist,” “unsympathetic protagonist,” “boring” and “confusing” were other reasons given.  

After Ms. Nelson's workshop, I heard a lot of “If she’d only read a little further, she would have seen that…” or “That wasn’t fair. She didn’t give me a chance. How can she judge a manuscript by only reading one page?” Unfortunately, agents get tens of thousands of submissions a year, and if you don’t grab them within the first page or two, the sad reality is that your book will probably be rejected. And of course, as readers, most of us will read the back cover and maybe the first page, then decide based on that whether to buy the book or not. And even when I’ve paid money for a book, if it doesn’t grab me by about page ten, I’ll discard it. 

One of the main reasons agents, acquiring editors and readers will reject a book after reading the first few pages is that they’re confused. They need to get a picture right away about whose story it is, why we should care about that person, and roughly where and when the story is taking place. Once readers have a handle on the main character and the setting, they can relax and settle into the story world. Of course, you also have to spark their interest with a problem early on—put your protagonist in some hot water with an inciting incident, so the reader can sympathize with them and start rooting for them. 

Whose story is it? 

It’s important to start out the novel in the viewpoint of your protagonist, as the first person the readers read about is the person they start identifying with, and they’ll feel cheated if suddenly, after they’ve invested some time and effort into getting to know this person and bonding a bit with him, he suddenly turns out to be not someone they should be rooting for at all, but in fact the antagonist, whom they’re supposed to be hating, or worse yet, a minor character or someone who gets killed off a little while later. 

As Steve Berry, bestselling author and sought-after writing workshop leader, told a packed room of eager aspiring writers at Craftfest, part of Thrillerfest 2011 in New York, “Always start your book in the point of view of your protagonist.” I think this is excellent advice, as the readers—not to mention agents and acquiring editors—want to know right away whose story it is, who to start bonding with and cheering for. 

Here are the first questions your readers will be asking: 

Why should I care about this character, anyway?

Readers aren’t going to invest time reading a story about a character they don’t like or can’t identify with, so make sure your protagonist is likeable and sympathetic, to draw the readers in to identify with him or her. And make them well-rounded and complex, with hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses, and inner conflict. And of course have them confronted with a problem—an inciting incident—within the first few pages, as conflict is what drives fiction forward. A perfect character with an ideal life is both annoying and boring—not a formula for compelling fiction! 

Where and when is the action taking place?

Without drowning us in long descriptive passages right at the beginning, give the readers a few hints very early on—definitely on the first page—of the setting of your story: Contemporary? Past? Future? Country/Culture? Urban/rural/wilderness? Which city or town? And so on. Don’t confuse and frustrate your readers by making them wonder where on earth all this is happening, and whether it’s in the present or some other time. 

Why should I read this story?

Show your stuff in your first five pages or so. Draw the reader (or agent or editor) in with a great first scene, well-written, with interesting, complex characters, some intriguing action, and compelling, natural-sounding dialogue. Include your inciting incident and initial conflict, and hint at greater problems to come. Introduce or hint at a worthy adversary—a cunning villain or attractive but maddening/annoying possible love interest. And write your first pages in the same tone, style and voice you’ll be using for your novel, so the readers will have a good idea of what they’ll be getting into. And of course, continue in this same tone (suspenseful, humorous, serious, romantic, etc.) for the rest of the novel, so the reader won’t feel cheated or misled. 

But don’t get bogged down trying to perfect your opening pages in the early stages – wait until you’ve got all or most of your first draft written. By then, you’ll be “in the groove” and you’ll know your character and his/her problems a lot better, as well as the resolution, so this part will flow so much more easily.

Jodie Renner is a freelance editor who specializes in editing thrillers and other fast-paced fiction. Jodie’s updated, expanded Writing a Killer Thriller – or any other fast-paced story will be available as an e-book within a few days, and in paperback soon. Also, check out her other popular writing guide, Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, available in paperback or as an e-book.

For more info on Jodie’s current and upcoming books, as well as a list of topics for workshops Jodie presents, please visit her author website. For information on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

First-Page Critique - Mystery-Thriller

by Jodie Renner, editor, author, and speaker

This week's critique is of the first page of a mystery thriller. Here's the opening to the novel:


The smell woke him first—a spicy, rancid arousal—followed by the fetid hot breath on his face. William Law’s eyes flickered open. In the dark alleyway, he’d fallen asleep. He gasped and struggled to draw breath, aware of the pressure at his throat. Dark eyes stared down into his.

“Shut up. Don’t make a sound.”

William wheezed, thrashed his legs, and clawed at the man’s hands, desperate for air. A knee dropped down hard onto his chest, threatened to crush him. He beat his fists against thick muscular biceps and dug his heels into the ground, tried to buck his body beneath the weight on top of him. He brought up his leg and drove a knee hard into the other man’s lower back, used every ounce of his strength to resist.

“Damn it.” 

The man fought back harder, grabbed William’s head and twisted, put agonizing pressure on his neck. Pain exploded behind his eyes. Frantic, William clawed at the ground for a rock or a stick, anything he could use to beat off the mugger. As his sight faded and the edge of blackness crept in, his fingers touched a hard object. He clutched at it, gripped hold, and swung with the remainder of his strength, heard the dull sound of glass against bone, followed by a groan. Blood pumping, heart pounding, he lashed out again, his last chance to survive. The jagged edge of the broken glass bottle tore across the soft exposed flesh of the man’s throat.


This is a gripping, very well-written opening that definitely grabbed my attention right away. I can tell this is going to be an intriguing page-turner! 

But I would move this scene further down and back up and let us get to know William Law a bit first, before thrusting him into a life-threatening situation like this. Readers need to warm up to the protagonist a bit and start bonding with him before they can start worrying about him. No need to spend pages introducing him, but I'd present him in a scene where he's interacting with others in his "normal" world, then something suddenly happens to disturb that world. He encounters the first problem or conflict of the story, which could then lead up to this much more critical situation. 

Also, that approach would establish the main character and his world right away, and answer the 4 W's that every opening should reveal: Who, What, Where, and When. Readers like to get situated at the beginning of the novel. They want to know immediately whose story it is and a bit about that person. And they want to know where the story is taking place and roughly when.

This writer is obviously very talented, so I can't wait to see the new opening and read the whole novel!

Click on these links for other first-page critiques: mainstream, historical fiction, historical thriller, and western.

If you'd like me to critique the first page of your novel or short story anonymously, please email the first 400 words or so, plus the genre and a sentence or two about the story, to: j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com. Thanks!

Jodie Renner, a freelance fiction editor, has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, with an expanded print version coming out July ‘13; and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats.

For more info on Jodie’s current and upcoming books, as well as a list of topics for workshops Jodie presents, please visit her author website.

For information on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website. 

Notable Regional Workshops for Writers

REGIONAL WRITERS’ WORKSHOPS

Today, I’m highlighting some notable, exciting, regional writers’ workshops or smaller conferences, all of which feature top-notch instructors who are leaders in the field. If you’re tired of huge, expensive conferences or don’t want to feel overwhelmed or lost in the crowd, these workshops will not only stimulate you, but they’ll make you feel like you’re part of a community and among friends. Please let me know of any other regional writers’ workshops and I'll add them.

WRITING FOR LIFE WORKSHOPS

NEWARK, CA, San Francisco Bay Area

Susanne (C.S.) Lakin, highly respected editor and writer, is offering three upcoming workshops for writers, all held at The Marriott Courtyard, 34905 Newark Blvd., Newark, CA 94560, which is in the San Francisco Bay area.

For more details, go to Susanne’s website, Writing for Life Workshops, at http://www.writingforlifeworkshops.com/. Upcoming workshops:

~ June 28-30, 2013 – Next Level Fiction, with James Scott Bell

“In one weekend I’ll teach you more secrets about writing novels that sell than most writers will learn
in years of trial and error. And I’ll help you take your current project to the next level.”

Those who have taken acclaimed author and writing instructor James Scott Bell’s workshops and classes give high praise for his deep, concise instruction and expertise. His professional manner and astute understanding of the writing craft will help you broaden your knowledge and give you excellent tools to add to your writers’ “toolbox.”

During these three full days of lecture, writing exercises, and Q & A, you’ll be challenged in practical hands-on work while learning advanced writing techniques. James Bell will teach you insights and skills that will help you succeed in today’s publishing environment and create a novel that readers will love.

~ September 14-15, 2013: Prose in Motion: Crafting Fiction for Commercial Success with Davis Bunn

How can writers craft their fiction so it sells—without selling their soul? Is there a secret to fashioning a novel so it will hit the best-seller lists? Davis’s huge success— with seven million copies of his novels sold—attests that he knows what it takes.

This unprecedented event for intermediate fiction writers of all genres featuring international best-selling author Davis Bunn will go deep into the technique and structure needed in your fiction to make it grab the attention of publishers and readers.

~ October 19-20, 2013: Story Mastery with Hollywood story expert and script consultant Michael Hauge

Hollywood story expert Michael Hauge presents the essential components of storytelling for film and fiction writers in this intensive 2-day event never before held in the San Francisco Bay Area.

“No one is better than Michael Hauge at finding what is most authentic in every moment of a story.” – Will Smith, actor: Men in Black, The Pursuit of Happyness, I Am Legend

If you haven’t taken a workshop with Michael Hauge, be prepared to be blown away by this innovative approach to story mastery.

Michael has coached writers, producers, stars, and directors on projects for Will Smith, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lopez, Kirsten Dunst, Charlize Theron, and Morgan Freeman, as well as for every major studio and network. He also works extensively with Hollywood executives, producers, agents, and managers, helping them sharpen their story and developmental skills.


SUMMER IN WORDS

WRITERS CONFERENCE, CANNON BEACH, OREGON, June 20-23, 2013

Sought-after editor and craft-of-writing guru Jessica Page Morrell hosts an annual Summer in Words Conference every June in gorgeous Cannon Beach, Oregon. I attended this conference last year and it was excellent! Intimate, friendly, and supportive, with stimulating and informative presentations and great food, all in a breathtaking, inspirational setting! For more info, visit: http://summerinwords.wordpress.com/

Whether you’re a writer just starting out, a writer in search of answers, a writer who needs to get more words on the page, or a writer who wants to hang with other writers, you can find inspiration, answers and camaraderie at Summer in Words Writing Conference. Three days of events, talks, and workshops taught by a stellar cast of authors and writing instructors will help you learn more about story and craft and invite you to move forward. Some of the instructors and topics:

~ “How High Concept Really Works,” by Jessica Morrell

~ “Yakety Yak: Writing Dialogue that Speaks,” by Lauren Kessler

~ “Deep into Memoir,” by Melissa Hart

~ “Considering the Senses,” by Monica Drake

~ “Setting the Scene: The Writer as Prose Cinematographer,” by Lauren Kessler

~ “Captivating Co-Stars,” by Jessica Morrell

~ “Sell is not a Four-Letter Word,” by Randal Houle

~ “Deep Point of View,” by Jessica Morrell

~ “Sentence by Sentence,” by Monica Drake

~ “Making Waves: Write and Publish Your Essays,” by Mellissa Hart

~ “Why Do We Do This Anyway?” by Jonathon Evison

~ “Your Reader, Deep as the Ocean,” by Jonathon Evison

~ “What’s in a Title?” by Jessica Morrell

~ “Write Like it’s Your Job,” by Kelly Williams Brown

Do you know of any other good upcoming writers' workshops I should add here? If so, please let me know in the comments below. Thanks!

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor and craft-of-fiction writer
www.JodieRennerEditing.com; www.JodieRenner.com
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.
For more info on Jodie's books, please visit her author website.

12 Do's and Don'ts for a Riveting Opening

One of my most popular articles on tips for writing a compelling opening is up on the London Writers Society blog right now.

Here's the beginning and the link to the rest:

Act First, Explain Later

 

by Jodie Renner, freelance editor, craft-of-fiction writer, and writing coach/speaker

Gone are the days when fiction readers were willing to read pages of description and lead-up before being introduced to the characters and the plot. Readers, agents, and publishers today don’t have the time or patience to wade through pages of backstory and description, so you need to grab their interest right from the first sentence and first paragraph of your story.

As James Scott Bell says in Revision and Self-Editing, about the opening paragraphs, “Give us a character in motion. Something happening to a person from line one. Make that a disturbing thing, or have it presage something disturbing.”

Here are twelve dos and don’ts for making the first page of your novel more compelling:

1. Don’t begin with a long description of the setting or with background information on your main character.
~ Do begin with dialogue and action; then add any necessary backstory or description in small doses, on a need-to-know basis as you progress through the story.

2. Don’t start with a character other than your protagonist.
~ Do introduce your protagonist right in the first paragraph.

For the rest of this list, click on THIS LINK.


Jodie Renner, a freelance fiction editor and craft-of-fiction writer, has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction:Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.
For more info on Jodie’s current and upcoming books, as well as a list of topics for workshops Jodie presents, please visit her author website.
For information on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Critique of First Page - Western

by Jodie Renner, freelance editor and craft-of-fiction writer

So far in this series of critiques of the first page of a novel or short story, I've introduced the series, then critiqued the first page of a mainstream novel, historical fiction, and a historical thriller. Today's first page is from a western novel.

I recently presented a workshop on writing compelling first pages to a writers' group, and afterward, volunteers read their first page aloud and we discussed their strengths and also ways in which they could set the scene better and be more engaging and intriguing, to hook readers in right away.

This one, the beginning of a western, is obviously well-written, but could have been much more gripping right from the first paragraphs. The author, GK Parker, has given me permission to use it and their name in today's blog.

Here's the original:

Trip Forrester studied the bank of heavy clouds collecting over the distant peaks of the Wyoming Cinnabar mountain range. Winter was coming. And it would be nothing like what passed for winter in Alabama. Overhead, the sky transformed from pink to soft shades of deepening purple and red as the sun slipped behind the mountains, stealing the day with it. A cool breeze sprang up, whispering through the branches of several nearby Ponderosa pines. In the buckboard traces Wilson, his ten-year-old gelding, shifted, his harness jingling. He stamped one foot impatiently. 

"Yep, me too," Trip said. He slapped the leather reins and they made their way down the valley to Snake Creek ranch. The crumpled letter rustled in his pocket. He ignored the temptation to throw it away just like he'd resisted the urge to punch the post office clerk who handed him the letter that had arrived five days earlier. Not that the pock-faced kid had really done anything to deserve it, but he was in front of Trip when he opened the letter and read the Mr. Forrester line. 

The small homestead he had put up with his partner, Marty Helms, stood in deepening shadows. Coming around the last copse of trees lining the dirt lane he caught sight of the small cabin. A light glowed through the single window of wavy glass Trip had bought from Otto Gramm's in Laramie at great expense. So, Marty was back from his hunting trip. 

He pulled into the yard, stopping on the apron of raw earth near the front steps to the porch. The wagon creaked when he set the brake, jumped down where he unhitched and led Wilson to the small paddock. Blue Dog, the roan he had won in a poker game last fall, hung his dark head over the top rail and nickered at them. Cactus, Marty's mustang, joined in.

With Marty home, maybe they could get the drift fence finished this week after all. He glanced toward the wood piled beside the newly finished barn. It was ready, now it only needed two men willing to put their butts to work and keep them there until the job was done.

The three geldings nickered back and forth while Trip unharnessed Wilson. He slapped the gelding's broad rump to get him moving through the gate. He checked the water and feed trough and found Marty had already taken care of both. Using his calfskin gloves, he wiped the dust and sweat off Wilson's back. Gate latched behind him, Trip carried the harness to the barn, sidestepping Nonny, Marty's milk goat, on the way out. Striding toward the cabin, he tried not to think of the letter scorching a hole in his pocket. He had ridden thirty-one miles to Laramie to meet the train carrying his potential bride only to be handed her letter instead." 

Jodie: I felt that, although quite lyrical and nicely written, to hook in today's busy and often impatient readers, this opening needs a lot more tension, conflict, and intrigue. Also, to bring the character alive and make us identify with him and start worrying about him, we need to see his emotions and reactions more. And it would be more dynamic to have him interacting with someone else, preferably someone with an opposing agenda, rather than alone, thinking. There's way too much description and not enough action and interaction and reaction. Also, I wasn't sure whether it was a historical western or a modern western, so it would be good to clarify the time period.

The author emailed me a second version, which was much improved, but I offered a few more tips. then they came up with this final version, which is much more gripping and engaging, I think, and really makes me want to read on and find out more about this character and what happens to him. 

Here's the second rewrite:

October 6, 1874 

Trip Forrester's fingers fumbled as he struggled to get the ivory buttons through the button holes. Even before the top one closed, the starched collar of his white shirt was chafing his neck. It would be raw before he reached town. He pulled on the blue silk vest and got the bolo tie in place and pushed the discomfort aside. He'd wanted this. 

Once he'd figured the only way he was going to get a wife was to advertise for one. He'd started all this with his post to the eastern papers before Christmas last year.

No time to get spooky. The girl come all this way to marry you.

He stared down at the brand spanking new boots that hurt and made him feel like a dandified Eastern dude. The bowler hat just looked ridiculous.

"Yer barkin' at a frog," he muttered, running calloused fingers under the stiff collar. "She's gonna come."

So why were his hands shaking? 

He pulled his duster on to keep his fancy clothes looking good. His gaze kept darting toward the door; he was gonna be late if he kept this primping up. 

"Never had to look this good for no damn cayuse."

Sweat dripped down his brow, stinging the raw flesh of his neck. He strode out into the sun-bleached yard. It hadn't rained in weeks, the road to Laramie would be bone dry. He'd be able to make the trip in three hours. The Union Pacific was due in at twelve-ten. He pulled out his pocket-watch. Nine-twenty. 

Pulling Roach, his ten-year-old gelding out of the paddock he put him to the buckboard. It was nearly twenty minutes before he guided the wagon off Snake Creek ranch.

[...] (Left out two short paragraphs in here that slow the momentum a bit and could be condensed or deleted.)

The steady clop-clop of Roach's shod hooves mesmerized him, messing up his sense of time but not his growing apprehension. Late. What kind of man was late for his own wedding? Butterflies, or something a whole lot bigger, thrashed around in his stomach. The road into Laramie was a flat stretch of dusty clay, pot-marked by much heavier traffic than what was near Snake Creek ranch. He trotted the last mile, passing a wagon carrying newly cut logs and a few riders out on business. One group led a half a dozen young horses down the side of the road. Mustangs. The canyons around here were full of them, ripe for the picking.

With the arrival of Union Pacific a few years ago the town was exploding. Too much so for Trip's taste but it meant a steady market for the stock he planned to bring in next year.

In the distance he heard the train whistle.

He didn't have time to stable Roach and left him in front of the terminal amid a cluster of other carriages and buckboards. Climbing down, Trip found himself hanging back, one hand on Roach's collar. He sucked in several deep breaths of air that smelled like burnt sand. 

The low, red brick two-story building loomed at the east end of town. As crowds streamed past him, he straightened, smoothing his hands over his hair, hoping the grease he had put on it was holding the normally curly mess in place. His newly shaved cheeks left him feeling naked and he knew he stood out like a peacock in a pen full of chickens.

"Big day, isn't it?" Ross Parker, the druggist slapped him on the back. "Bet this day's been a long time coming."

"Yeah," he said. "A long time."

I think these first two pages bring the scene and character to life much more vividly than the original. If I were working with this author I would probably still have a few more small suggestions here and there, but I think this opening has come a long way! It definitely hooked me in!

Feel free to submit the first page of your novel or short story (maximum 400 words) to j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com. I'll be glad to add it to the ones I've already received to critique here anonymously.

Also, scroll down for Jodie's first-page critiques of novels in other genres.

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor
www.JodieRennerEditing.com; www.JodieRenner.com
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.
For more info on Jodie's books, please visit her author website.

The 5 Key Book Publishing Paths, by Jane Friedman

Jane Friedman has published an excellent breakdown of all the avenues now open to author to publish their books, from fully assisted traditional publishing to self-publishing with no assistance from companies or industry professionals.

Here's Jane's introduction:

One of the biggest questions for authors today is:

Should I traditionally publish or self-publish?

 

It’s an important question—one that tends to result in heated debate—but it’s becoming an increasingly confusing and complicated question to answer because:

1. There are now many varieties of traditional publishing and self-publishing—with evolving models and varying contracts.
2. You won’t find a universal, agreed-upon definition of what it means to “traditionally publish” or “self-publish.”
3. It’s not an either/or proposition. You can do both.

To see the rest of this post and Jane's very informative, comprehensive infographic on the 5 Kep Book Publishing paths, click on this link:

http://janefriedman.com/2013/05/20/infographic-5-key-book-publishing-paths/

First-Page Critique - Historical Thriller

by Jodie Renner, freelance editor and craft-of-fiction writer

Today I'm continuing my Wednesday feature in which I critique all or part of the first page of a novel, anonymously. You may also want to check out my first and second critiques, of the first pages of two different novels.

If you'd like me to critique the first page of your novel or short story, please send the first 400-500 words to me at j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com, and I'll critique the first 150-300 words here. If you have a prologue, don't send that - send the beginning of Chapter 1 instead.

Also, include the genre, setting (time and place), and a few sentences about the story and main character. Thanks.

The author who sent this to me called it a historical thriller, and it seems to be a travel adventure, too.

Here's the first page of the novel: (I've changed the name of the protagonist.)

Paris, December 1888 

Strolling down the leafy Boulevard des Italiens, a patch of glittery snow on the cobblestones reminded Francois Beauchemin of the snow-capped mountains of the Hindu Kush. The muddy sidewalk became the wind-swept valleys of Fergana, and the frozen puddles beneath the horses' hooves shimmered like the pristine blue lakes of Turkestan.

To Beauchemin, France's most famous traveler, exploring the four corners of the globe was his life's obsession. When he wasn't out trekking on some windswept mountain trail high up in the Karakorum range, he was thinking of ingenious ways of getting there. Even sickness and ill health couldn't stop his fertile imagination from wandering to exotic, far-flung lands.

While he was laid up with a rheumatic fever that he'd picked up on his latest expedition to the Pamirs, Beauchemin would spend hours in bed leafing through his trusty Schrader Atlas, watching as the pages sprang to life.

Before his eyes, a map of Central Asia became a living, moving world. Snow-capped mountains burst from the pages flanked by murmuring forests of emerald and jade, bowing and swaying under a gust of Siberian wind, while dashing waterfalls and streams of glacial water erupted from the heights and snaked down to the ice-covered plateaus of pristine land where no man had ever stepped foot before. And just as his eyelids grew too heavy and sleep was about to overtake him, a gentle layer of snow fell across his bed quilt, carpeting the old volume with a fine layer of Himalayan snow, prompting Beauchemin to pull up the blanket before closing his eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

 

Jodie's critique:

Although these descriptions are well-written and kind of interesting, especially to people who love to travel, this first page reads more like a travelogue than the opening of a novel. And for a thriller, you really need to grab the readers from the first paragraph, with a gripping, dynamic scene in real time, with lots of tension, conflict, attitude and intrigue.

This first page is all telling, when we need showing. Show this character, Beauchemin, in an animated, tense scene with others, with conflict, dialogue, actions, and reactions. Make something happen on the first page, preferably within the first two paragraphs, that shakes up this guy's world. Don’t spend a whole page describing and reminiscing. That’s too slow-moving for today’s fiction, and way too slow-moving for a thriller!

Also, the style and tone here are too leisurely, too dreamlike for a thriller, or for any popular contemporary fast-paced fiction. I realize the author is trying to capture the feel of 1888, but this lyrical style risks lulling today's readers to sleep right from page one, or even putting down the book, which you definitely don't want to do! Think about the latest Sherlock Holmes movie – set way in the past, but fast-moving, with lots of conflict, intrigue and suspense.

Also, for the most part, this seems to be told in omniscient point of view, the author talking to the readers. To engage readers quickly and keep them turning the pages, you need to get into the point of view of your main character immediately, right from the first sentence. Get into his head and body and show his inner fears, hopes, and insecurities, as well as his physical sensations and his attitudes and reactions to people and the world around him. That will bring him to life on the page and start the readers bonding with him and rooting for him, right from the opening paragraphs, which is what you need to do.

Overall, although a pleasant leisurely read, this first page lacks purpose, drive, tension and conflict, which are absolutely essential to engage readers and make them want to keep turning the pages. It also needs some hints of worse trouble to come, to add suspense and intrigue.

What is the character’s main goal here? And how does it get thwarted quickly? Who is in danger, and how is he going to deal with it?

Especially for a thriller, be sure to shake up the hero’s world right away, in the first page, and introduce the villain or villains and even bigger problems by the end of chapter one at the latest. And keep piling the problems on and raising the stakes for the hero! Challenge him at every turn, and keep the readers rooting for him in his fight to conquer evil.

For more tips on writing a riveting thriller, see my e-book, Writing a Killer Thriller, which I am in the process of expanding in order to publish it in paperback soon. I'll add the new chapter on thriller openings by early next week.

Thanks for submitting this first page for a critique! I hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful. Who's up next?

Or, if you're tired of waiting for your first page to be critiqued here or you prefer to see the results in private, please contact me about critiquing your first page for $12. (PayPal takes $2, so that leaves me with $10.) Thanks! Alternatively, if you write a positive review on Amazon for one of my books below (please read the book first!), I'll put your name in a much smaller draw, so your chance of getting a free critique of your first page will be about 50%.

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor
www.JodieRennerEditing.com; www.JodieRenner.com
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.
For more info on Jodie's books and workshops, please visit her author website. 

 

 

How to Sell Loads of Books, by Russell Blake

Here's an excellent article I just came across, by Russell Blake. A very comprehensive, down-to-earth, smart plan for selling a lot of books.

Here's the beginning:

"Over the last week, because of my burst of posts on the Kindle Boards, I’ve gotten a number of PMs from authors asking for counsel on one matter or another, so I thought I would take the time to lay out my thoughts so that the info is available to everyone. Obviously, this is intended for authors. Readers, just skip over this, it’s all technical crap you won’t be that interested in, unless you’re a masochist.

This does not represent the only way to do things, but it’s my way, and is the synthesis of everything I’ve learned over the last 23 months of self-publishing:

1) Pick one genre that’s popular and with which you are extremely familiar, and then write in that genre. Stick to it. Don’t hop around. It confuses your potential readers and muddies who you are in their minds, and will hurt your sales. If you want to write different genres, use a pseudonym, and if you like, let your readers know that moniker is you. But stick to one name, one genre, because you’re building your brand, and brand building is a function of clarity – clearly communicating what you do, and what your product is.

2) Write a series. Why? Because readers like series, and you want to give readers what they like. Or you won’t sell as much. You can try stand-alone – I have – but my series outsell my stand-alone books 4 to 1. Once you have at least three books in the series, make the first one free. Earn your income from the rest, but give readers a whole novel to decide whether they like you or not.

3) Write a lot. ...."

For the rest of this great advice, click HERE.

Critique of First Page - Historical Fiction

by Jodie Renner, editor & author, @JodieRennerEd

Today I'm continuing my new Wednesday feature, where I critique all or part of the first page of a novel, anonymously. Click here to read my first critique, of the beginning of a different novel.

Red indicates comments by me and any words I have added, which would normally be in the margin, not interrupting the text as it is here, but unfortunately, I'm unable to reproduce that aspect of my Track Changes here.

If you'd like me to critique the first page of your novel or short story, please send the first 400-500 words to me at j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com, and I'll critique the first 150-300 words here. If you have a prologue, don't send that - send the beginning of Chapter 1 instead. Also, tell me the genre and a sentence or two about the story and main character. Thanks.

I chose this first page for today because it interested me and made me want to read more. But I could also see lots of ways to make it more compelling and intriguing, to hook more readers in and get them engaged right from the start.

I've changed the name of the character and the city, for greater anonymity.

Here's the original version first, with my suggestions in red in the version just below it.

Bonnie walked the noisy, dusty streets of Boston. The fishing ships were coming in for the evening as she passed near the docks. There looked to be another steamer in from Ireland as well. The smell of the city was always mixed, some wonderful aroma from a fire or a bakery... and something awful, rotting. Fish. Always, the smell of fish. She had to go a good ways inland to escape that smell. But tonight, she headed to work.  

She kept a close eye out. She had gotten in some trouble recently, but she had no idea if she was being pursued. Could be, no one knew. Or it could be she was a walking target. There was no way to know, but it had been two weeks now, since the incident, and no problems yet. She could never let her guard down- but that sort of survival was a strain on her.  

She hoped for a time that wasn’t so hard. In fact, she was planning on it. But her face gave a cynical slight grin, as she thought of it- her life had never followed the plans she laid out. If it had, she certainly wouldn’t be where she was now. She would have to work her way out.

 

Same three paragraphs, but with Jodie's suggestions in red:

Bonnie walked [Try to use a more specific, interesting synonym for “walked,” like “trudged” or “strode along” or "hurried along” or “strolled” or “raced through” or something that more accurately conveys her mood and how she’s moving.] the noisy, dusty streets of Boston. As she passed near the docks, she noticed the fishing ships were coming in for the evening. as she passed near the docks. There looked to be another steamer in from Ireland as well. The smell of the city was always mixed, some wonderful aroma from a fire or a bakery... and something awful, rotting. Fish. [Maybe “Like fish,” as there were other things rotting then, too.] Always, the smell of fish. She had to go a good ways inland to escape that smell. But tonight, she headed to work. [Try to add some urgency and tension here. Is she hurrying? Is she late for work? Is she worried about something at work? Also, what does she do? What’s her job? And how does she feel about it? Is she eager to go to work? Or does she hate her job?]

Tension and conflict are what drive fiction forward, and you especially need tension and intrigue in your first paragraphs and first page.

Also, since you mentioned this is historical fiction, I’d offer more indications of that right away, so the readers realize immediately that this story takes place in the past, and roughly how long ago – what period? For example, what kinds of vehicles or modes of transportation are passing her? Horses and buggies? Or...? Also, how is she dressed? How are people around her dressed? What are they doing? (Don’t get carried away in a great long descriptive passage, but add just enough telling detail to bring the scene to life and show the era.)

She kept a close eye out. [Try to add more tension to this sentence. Show her nervousness.] She had gotten in some trouble [kind of vague – can you be more specific?] recently, but she had no idea if she was being pursued. Could be, no one knew. [I’d take this sentence out, as it doesn’t really add anything more than we’ve found out from the previous sentence.] Or it could be she was a walking target. [Try to rephrase this in a more urgent, direct way, from inside her head, with more of her worries and fears apparent. Maybe something like, “She glanced around as she hurried along. Was she being followed? She felt like a walking target.”] There was no way to know [this is repetitive], but it had been two weeks now since the incident [can you give us some more hints, to add to the intrigue?], and no problems yet. [maybe rephrase this to show her worry more, like "and every day she expected to pay...." or whatever.] She could never let her guard down- but that sort of survival was a strain on her. [Try to rephrase this in a more direct way, showing her emotions and physical feelings/sensations. In other words, show, don’t tell.]

She hoped [“longed”?] for a time [maybe “future” or “life”] that wasn’t so hard. [This is a bit vague. Can you maybe add something specific here?] In fact, she was planning on it. [Can leave this out.] But her face gave a cynical slight grin [We’re inside Bonnie’s head, in her point of view, and she can’t see her face, nor is she thinking about the expression on her face, so this is a POV gaffe / violation. Show only what she is perceiving – seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking about, etc.] as she thought of it—her life had never followed the plans she laid out. If it had, she certainly wouldn’t be where she was now. She would have to work her way out. [Try to state this in a more urgent way, with more tension. How is she feeling? Overwhelmed? Discouraged? Worried? Exhausted? Determined? The more tension, the better, as a happy character is a boring character, and readers have no reason to read on or root for her.]

General comments from Jodie: I find this first page interesting, and definitely want to read more! But please show me more of Bonnie’s inner thoughts and emotions, with lots of tension! You want readers to identify with Bonnie right away and start bonding with her and rooting for her. In order for readers to become emotionally engaged with Bonnie and start caring about her plight, they need to feel what she’s feeling. So show us Bonnie’s thoughts, fears, hopes, worries, and other emotions, as well as her physical feelings, as much as possible in the first paragraphs and pages. Also, try to bring the scene more to life on the page by appealing to most of the five senses. What is she seeing? Hearing? Smelling? (that one's covered quite well). Also, is she hot or cold? Is it summertime? Any other tactile sensations or even tastes? And of course, her reactions to all this sensory barrage as she hurries to work.

Thanks for submitting this first page for a critique! I hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful. Who's up next?

Or, if you're tired of waiting for your first page to be critiqued here or you prefer to see the results in private, please contact me about critiquing your first page for $12. (PayPal takes $2, so that leaves me with $10.) Thanks! Alternatively, if you write a positive review on Amazon for one of my books below (please read the book first!), I'll put your name in a much smaller draw, so your chance of getting a free critique of your first page will be about 50%.

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor
www.JodieRennerEditing.com; www.CobaltBooks.net
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.

For more info on Jodie's books and workshops, please visit her author website.

Critique of first page of a novel

by Jodie Renner, editor and craft-of-fiction writer

Today I'm starting a new feature, which I plan to run every Wednesday. I'm critiquing the first page of a novel, anonymously. Red indicates words I have added, plus comments and suggestions by me, which would normally be in the margin, not interrupting the text as it is here, but unfortunately, I'm unable to reproduce that aspect of my Track Changes here.

If you'd like me to critique the first page of your novel or short story, please send me the first 400-500 words to j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com, and I'll critique the first 200-300 words here. If you have a prologue, don't send that - send the beginning of Chapter 1 instead. Also, tell me the genre and a sentence or two about the story and main character. Thanks.

Chapter One:

The cornflower-blue sky stretched far into the distance beyond where the human eye could see. [Good - establishes that we're out in the country, in the prairies.] The air was cool coming in through the open truck windows. Molly glanced over at her nephew Jonas [Establishes that we’re in Molly’s point of view, which is good, as she’s the main character, so it’s best to start in her POV so readers know it’s primarily Molly’s story.] who was playing a game on his cell phone. He looked up from the game long enough to realize his aunt had driven into unfamiliar territory. [Kind of in her nephew’s viewpoint (POV) a bit here.... How does Molly know what he’s thinking or realizing? Best to stick with what she knows for sure or guesses from the expressions, words, body language, and actions of others.] He had not asked where they were as she steered the truck around the curves of several gravel roads that seemed more like washboards than roads. She had taken a detour from their planned destination, Merlkasses [Can leave this name out, unless it's important], a leather shop on the outskirts of town. [Who all is in the truck? Just the two of them?]  [Also, Jonas is on his cell phone, so it's in the present, yet they're going to get shoes and a jacket from a leather shop, which seems to take us back in time, unless Molly has the money to buy the kids shoes and a jacket at a specialty leather boutique, which seems doubtful considering the other info provided.]

Coming around a sharp bend in the road, Molly slowed the truck enough to guide it into a driveway that was so neglected the weeds had nearly gobbled it up. Pulling up to an old wooden gate in serious need of repair and a couple of coats of paint, Molly felt a twinge of uneasiness. [Intriguing. But why? What’s making her uneasy? Maybe give us a few more hints.] It vanished when she saw the tremendous amount [or “huge expanse] of deserted property stretched out along the fence line and beyond. [From the next lines, it seems she's familiar with this property, but in the description we've just read, it seems like she's seeing it for the first time...? If she knows this property well, I would revise the preceding sentences to reflect that, as we're in her thoughts here.] She could barely make out the faded realtor's sign that had dropped down in the wildly overgrown grass near the gate. The sign her realtor, and friend, had placed there months earlier offering the dilapidated homestead for an exceptionally low price.

The children [Looks like there’s another child here. Is it his sister? If so, better bring her to life, too. I'd show the two children interacting a bit earlier in the truck - maybe squabbling or teasing.] clambered out of the truck. The older of the two, a large 15-year-old boy, Jacob Finn Larrimore [It seems this guy is her nephew, and we’re in Molly’s POV, so Molly’s head right now. She’s not thinking of her nephew in these terms. Can you express this in a way that stays in Molly’s point of view, as if it’s her thoughts? Maybe: “Her 15-year-old nephew Jonas protested,” then use his exact words.], grumbled that he would prefer to have gone straight to the leather shop where he was to pick up a pair of new boots for himself and a jacket for his sister, Amy. [ Is Amy there too? Or is he just picking up a jacket for her? And wouldn’t she want to pick out her own jacket? Also, better to show his exact words, rather than paraphrasing like this.] 
 
"Why are we here? Where is here?" Jonas protested. His zaffre-blue [Thanks for the new word! :-) ] eyes always seemed to make his moods appear even darker than they were in reality. Yet, the wavy, auburn hair falling across his forehead and high cheekbones softened even his roughest edges. His mother had always said [Apparently, his mother died, so I added the "had" to put it into the past perfect or “past past” to show that she used to say this when she was alive.] his bark was much worse than his bite. [You repeat this just below. Use one or the other, but not both.] 

Molly's sister, Kirsty Mae Larrimore [Too formal with all three names for someone thinking about her sister.] would often said say [in the past] of her son, "His bark is just like his father's. Big bark with little bite—until someone pushes him too far. He is so much like his daddy that some days I can hardly believe it. When I look into his eyes, it is as if I've stepped into the past." Kirsty never would elaborate further when she made comments like those. Instead, she would seem to be lost in a private world that she could not or would not share with anyone else. Molly had [in the past] always found her moods odd, especially since Kirsty's husband, Henley Frederick Larrimore [I’d leave out the middle and last name, or at least the middle name. Seems too formal, especially since Molly knows him well.] had brown eyes that looked nothing at all like Jacob's zaffre-blue eyes in shape or color. [This last statement is intriguing.]


Jodie: I like your voice! And the story looks interesting. Can’t wait to find out more about these people! I would deepen the characterization of Molly, though, by showing her feelings, thoughts, and both inner and outer reactions more. Also, bring the two kids to life more, by showing more interaction between them and with Molly, and more attitude. And maybe indicate earlier on (right now it's after all this) that Molly's sister has died, leaving her with the care of her nephew and niece.

Thanks for submitting this first page for a critique. Who's up next?

Click HERE to read my critique of the first page of a historical novel.

Or, if you're tired of waiting for your first page to be critiqued here or you prefer to see the results in private, please contact me about critiquing your first page for $12. (PayPal takes $2, so that leaves me with $10.) Thanks! Alternatively, if you write a positive review on Amazon for one of my books below (please read the book first!), I'll put your name in a much smaller draw, so your chance of getting a free critique of your first page will be about 50%.

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor
www.JodieRennerEditing.com
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services and her books, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.

For more info on Jodie's books and workshops, please visit her author website.